The Godfather

I am officially a Mobster. I joined a family in Mafia Wars on Facebook. So far there are only 6 of us, which is clearly not enough when there’s a big fight coming up with another family. I now have a hired thug on my payroll since I refuse to go into battle unprepared. Yesterday I pistol whipped Don Giancarlo and then gave him a beat down with my crowbar. The bastard wouldn’t declare defeat, therefore I had to run him over today with the delivery truck I purchased earlier. Good times.

Pentecostal Halloween

I had to post this hilarious photo, even though I'm about 2 holidays behind. This is what Jamie refers to as Pentecostal Halloween. Circa 1981. Back in the day where costumes were handmade. My parents made serious use of the tin foil on Jamie's wings and my crown. I love that I dressed up as Jezebel...yes, she was a queen, but she also led the Hebrews into idolatry and sexual immorality. Maybe I should have gone with Mary instead.On a side note: The kid staring at us in all our glory was Kimberly. She was dressed up as Scooby Doo. Last I checked there were no biblical references to a crime solving dog who's terrified of ghosts

Question

"When will you quit rationalizing your inferior performance?"



This was the question posed to me by Jeff today. When is that going to happen, my friend? How about never. Is that good enough? I wonder if he sits around all day coming up with these provocative statements and questions to harass me with on his drive home. He also said "It's not about how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit." I can only assume this is some advice his football coach from high school gave him because, frankly, I don't know how this pertains to me.

I gave him even more disappointment...if that's possible...when I informed him that I couldn't attend the annual Granier Bourree' game on Christmas Day due to other plans. He'll have to go with Plan B on that one and I'm pretty sure Plan B is between the ages of 18-21. Good luck dominating the game, dude. Bet she won't leave T's house with $200 worth of cash and prizes like I did last year!

TGIF

I just received my daily tongue lashing from Jeff about my lack of willpower and commmitment with P90X. I wonder if he realizes that exercise is not the only area of my life that pertains to. So I promised him that I would get on the train after the holidays. I really can't justify getting back into the groove at this point. There are too many social obligations that would be in jeopardy.

Special Thanks

"Girl, you got a 10 piece, now don't be stingy"....

This had to be one of the highlights of last night. Some things are just so much more funny mocking them with others. When the crew started discussing that McDonald's commercial, the one that looks like an R.Kelly video, and Jonathan reenacted parts and sang that line, I thought I would wet my pants. That was the first time. The second time was when Marcus busted his ass at the skating rink. Not so funny: when the congo line went out of control and I busted my ass. At least I did it gracefully.

Other than a bruised knee, I'm feeling pretty damn good today. So thank you, P90X. Without you I would be joining the ranks of my fellow skaters this morning in their soreness.

Slug

I'm just going to go ahead and say it. I decided to take a break. I could give you numerous reasons...too time consuming, preparing for a trial, holiday season, too many children, work, busy social life...but frankly, I'm just not mentally prepared for this right now. Which is kind of sad, because I was feeling very fit and energetic. I plan on taking it up again when things settle down, but I can assure you, Tony and Jeff, I will be doing it on my terms! Go ahead, people, call me names, mock me...I am oblivious to your tauntings.

And even though I won't be regaling my friends with workout drama, I will hopefully be offering up some nuggets of the holiday season. In the meantime, I will be sitting at my desk, practicing sucking my stomach in so I'll be prepared when my honey decides to give me a little squeeze.

Day Seven

Back & Chest: I was not in the mood for exercise, so it took a lot of willpower to even begin. Tony, our fearless leader, likes to throw out a tip of the day and today that tip was "Bring It". I'm still not sure how that is a tip. Maybe more of a suggestion. I never realized how many different types of push ups there are: standard, military, diamond, wide arm, declining. I'm sure there are more that I missed. I loathe them all equally. And as usual, I do all these, except for declining, like a girl, knees bent. All I'm saying, Jeff, is just be glad I'm making the effort.

Day Six

I admit it. I didn't go today. I have no excuse other than I am weak and pathetic. At least that's what Jeff's text said, so I'm inclined to believe it. I'm guessing that at some point he will realize that the verbal abuse and/or guilt trips don't work on me. Granted, in most cases, if someone tells me I can't do something, I'll make sure and do it, maybe more than once. This does not apply to physical exercise. He might as well have been speaking a foreign language.

Day Five

Legs: I've started seeing results. Okay, maybe not seeing, but feeling the tightness. Got a little bounce in my step. My butt feels perky, my abs are tight. And today there was minimal soreness due to all that stretching I did in yoga. I outdid Jeff today who was allegedly fighting some congestion. Whatever! Here's a little taste of legs. Put your back against a wall. Go into a squat, but lift one leg in the air, straight out, and put all your weight on the other. Sounds easy? Try it...15 seconds on each legs, four times each...I dare you. Hurts like hell.

At least I was rewarded with Hooters wings and football after.

Day Four

Yoga: This I thought I would enjoy. I've taken yoga before and loved it. So relaxing and peaceful. Yeah, I could have not been more wrong. After the first 45 minutes, I was ready to quit, especially because I walked into it in pain. But then I was rewarded by the second half, which was much more enjoyable. Getting in some of those positions is tough. I almost broke my neck trying to achieve the crane pose. Jeff was like...'good thing nobody is watching us. we'd never get a date.' My response? 'Are you kidding? If I can get in this crane pose and hold it, they'll be lining up.'

Day Three

Note: This is the day I woke up hurting like a mofo. I could barely walk up the stairs to my office. All I can say is that if I don't see results in 90 days, I will personally hunt down the creator of this madness and punch him in the face....amongst other things. And good luck getting down the stairs after work. I'll be sliding down the banister.

Arms: Jeff decided that I needed some motivation at this point. Apparently that came in the form of a scene from the movie Rocky Balboa. He puts in the disc and I'm expecting some air punches, but no, it's old Rocky giving his grown son a pep talk. Not motivating at all. He could at least have put in Rocky IV where he's training to give the Russian a beat down. Is that the right Rocky? I really hate working the arms out, but I'd love to have defined muscles so I'll have to suck it up.

Another note: I promised my friends that I would have someone video me sliding down the banister to go home that day. Alas, no one was here to witness my trek down. It was really more of a lean and slide than a straddle. The banister is up to my shoulders, which would have required a level of calisthenics I was incapable of doing.

Day Two

Plyometrics: Or as they should be called, Exercises Only Navy Seals Are Capable Of. Ever try a jumping squat? Yeah, me neither. I did two before calling it quits. This was a tough workout, but at least I kept the complaining to a minimum. I believe I worked out even less than the day before, but only because I was incapable of doing some of the routine. It takes skills, people, of which I am lacking.

Day One

Yes, I know this was all posted on the same day. Bear with me.

Chest and Back: First of all, I barely made it through the 10 minute warm up. I knew I was in trouble at that point. It's a minimum of an hour long program. That's without the 15 minute abs. Jeff actually believed that I was going to do pull ups on this bar that I had to climb a chair to even get to. Thanks for that vote of confidence, but all I could do was hang. He compromised and let me use bands. I'm pretty sure that not only did I rest as much as I worked out, but that I complained for a good portion of the workout. I can't even talk about the abs part.

P90X

Somehow my old buddy Jeff has convinced me that I should start a workout program called P90X. I must have momentarily hallucinated when he asked, because I said yes pretty quickly. Maybe I thought he was joking. This is a 3 month deal and although I highly doubt I'll complete it, I'm optimistic. After all, I've had headaches that lasted longer. I had one that lasted 8 years, but that's another story. Besides, my 20 year reunion is coming up and I'd like to feel good about my appearance, especially considering it's unlikely I'll come into the amount of money necessary for me to botox my face properly.